Finally Willing

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I opened my Bible that morning and heard the Lord whisper, “Let’s go back to John 5 again. You haven’t seen what I want to show you yet.” I was reluctant, but obedient as I flipped through the pages.  I had read about Jesus healing that paralytic man many times in the past weeks. I felt like I had mined great treasures out of the passage. In fact, I was pretty sure I could quote it when I heard Him speak that morning.

I read again about Jesus going to Jerusalem on feast day and walking by the sick people who lay beside a pool hoping for healing.  The pool was named Bethesda which means house of mercy, and when an angel stirred the water one person would receive a healing. It was the place where a miracle could happen at any time for that one person. And even though it was so limited and the chances of being the first to get in the water were slim, that pool was a still a place of hope.

 So the people came. Blind people, lame people, paralyzed people all flocked to the pool. They kept their eyes on the water and hoped. They hoped the angel would show up today to stir that water with miracle power. They hoped that they could get an edge on the race to get into the waters. They hoped they would leave different than they came.  They hoped for a different life. But mostly, they just came and sat beside a still pool.

This day seemed like every other day to the paralytic man.  He was laid at the pool side with the rest of the crowd, waiting for an angel and a miracle moment. Jesus showing up changed everything for this man. The Lord brushed aside the man’s explanation that he had no man to help him and simply said, “Get up!”  So the man did! He heard Jesus, took Him at His word, and walked away from that pool fully persuaded that he would never sit back down there again. 

There is no record that any angels showed up that day, but God certainly did.   There is no narrative of any other sick people getting healed even though Jesus could have easily have taken care of everyone present.  While men waited for an angel, they missed God. While they waited on a little bit of power, one miracle’s worth, the One Who shaped Adam out of clay and raised the dead with His voice was standing near.  While they waited for someone to put them into a pool, the One Who could put them back on their feet walked on by unseen except by the paralyzed man.  

As I read the verses again, the Lord whispered, “You are the man.”  I was shocked. I shook my head and put my Bible down, certain that my spiritual ear was out of tune.  Again the small voice calmly told me, “You are this man.”

I sat as the Lord reminded me of the much younger woman who had felt the call to minister the Word of God, but lay the dream aside because of the demands of life.  I had the excuses ready. First, I was a wife and mother trying to pour herself out for her family. The call would have to wait. After that I was a divorced woman raising two sons alone.  The call seemed improbable. Next I waited for others to recognize that call and invite me to the table of ministry. The call was dependent on someone else. I was paralyzed, kept silent waiting for another source, someone to confirm that I was able to do what the Lord was saying, and not discerning the presence of my God.

My heart was pierced with conviction and tears stung my eyes. I decided that my pool time had passed.  I could no longer wait for a convenient moment, or for some person to give me their stamp of approval.  My Savior had walked by and spoken, and that was really all I ever needed. It was time to get up and walk. My Savior had bidden me speak, and I could not be silent. I found my voice that day.

What about you? Have you been waiting for a more convenient time to follow the dream that the Lord has placed in your heart? Do you feel the call to a mission field? Does the struggle of the addict wound your heart? Do you have a testimony of how God delivered you from oppression or depression? Do you long to reach out to young women who are pregnant and alone? What moves you? Your purpose is tied to what makes your heart tremble. God didn’t make you to sit by a pool and wait forever. He made you to carry His glory.

Pray with me? Lord, we want to follow you fully, hearts blazing, wherever You lead. We ask You to reveal the purpose You have written in our hearts. We are ready to rise and walk.

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Published by Cyndi

Cyndi Bowen is an ordained minister in the Church of God in Ohio, as well as a registered nurse, prayer leader, and mother.

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