It was a such a busy day at work that I hardly had time to look up. Head down, I stepped out on the pavement to cross the parking lot to my car thinking of all that needed to be done at home. It stopped me in my tracks in shock when I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me. He said, “ How long will it be until you trust Me?”
The busy thoughts that were crowding my brain abruptly stopped. I was stunned by the question. The sorrow and frustration that seemed to lace the whisper were sobering and my heart winced. I quietly listened as the Lord spoke to me about the way I had prayed but lived like I didn’t expect Him to answer . He talked to me about how I often walk through life with my eyes bound by the gravity of my situation while exhorting others to look up. He reminded me that I prayed for my loved ones yet tried to do the work that only Holy Spirit can do in their hearts. He pointed out that I sometimes place a higher premium on my comfort than His purposes in my family.
Tears stung the back of my eyes and my throat was tight as I heard each indictment. I could neither deny what He said nor ignore the pain that I had caused my Savior. I love Him and my mistrust was like a wound on His holy heart. Our conversation continued long into the evening and ended with me on my face in a prayer room. I felt like the disciples when Jesus rose up in the bow of the boat, commanded the storm to cease, then turned His gaze to the drenched men in front of Him and asked, “Where is your faith?” (Luke 8:25)
As I wept out my repentance in godly sorrow, the Lord gently reminded me that He always corrects and instructs the ones that He loves (Rev 3:19) He loves me too much to let me wreck myself. I am profoundly grateful that He takes me through the process where He turns me to the mirror and removes the veil from my eyes so that I may see my own faults and frailties. He can’t strengthen weakness if I won’t own it. He won’t heal wounds if I deny that they exist. Crucifying our flesh is painful, but it is the only way we can truly live in resurrection power.
I share this intimate moment with you in such a public way because I suspect I am not alone in this struggle. Maybe this isn’t you. Maybe you pray and never question as you wait for the answer to come. Maybe you never feel panic when plans crumble and life shifts unexpectedly. For that person, I say, “You’re amazing! Please pray for me!” But if you have found yourself in that struggle of faith where you begin to wonder, this may be for you.
So if Heaven seems silent today, if you asked for rain but you haven’t seen the cloud forming, if the person you’ve been praying for still seems resistant to the gospel, if you are facing an obstacle that is just too big for you, hold on! You can trust your God! He will never let you down! Persist in faith!
Can I offer you a word from the throne this morning? God is absolutely FAITHFUL! He hasn’t looked away from you, even when you have looked away from Him.
You haven’t slipped underneath His radar. He has listened to every word you’ve prayed, and He has no intention on letting the storm sink your boat. Lift up your eyes, child of God! Don’t let the waiting destroy your faith! Keep gazing at Jesus and understand that He loves you way too much to let you slip through His holy fingers.
